The Oh, so Interesting Life of Moi!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Date released

2007-02-01T13:42:59Z

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final book in the series, will be released on July 21st, 2007.

Scholastic has followed with a press release in which Lisa Holton, President of Scholastic Children's Books said, 'We are thrilled to announce the publication date of the seventh installment in this remarkable series. We join J.K. Rowling's millions of readers - young and old, veterans and newcomers - in anticipating what lies ahead.'

I'm baaaaack

2007-01-25T17:22:43Z

Alright well I am finally settled into the apartment with my boyfriend and our two roomates. FINALLY. I didn't have internet or tv or phone for like a week and I felt like I had been completely cut off from the entire world. I'm such a girl though- the first thing I did was turn the TV on E! so I could catch up... how sad is that?

I have missed all of my club members and I really felt bad for not participating in the book club book Stranger than Fiction, but I'm comin back with a vengence so watch out! While I was waiting for the internet to be turned on I read and watched movies a lot.

MOVIE TALK:
Night at the Museum- OMG it really was the perfect movie for me. It helped me realize that I really would like to be a teacher of history to younger people. No high schoolers please... ugh that would be awful.

I finished reading "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold and I loved it. I was upset that her murderer didn't really get what he really deserved, but I was still satisfied. The book was normal for the most part but then the last three chapters COMPLETELY blew me away. Great stuff to read, I recomend it to all females. It isn't chick book or anything, but I find it hard to think a guy would really get into it like a girl would.

I also read "Haunted" by Chuck P. (Sorry I can't spell his last name unless I'm looking at it and the book is in my room)It was sad, funny, revealing, and nasty as hell. I loved every minute of it though. My friend was right, I dreamnt about it when I was finished. I figured the ending out too soon (Like I did with Fight Club), but I still loved it anyway. There are a lot of characters but they slowly die off one by one a la "And Then There Were None." I loved how he wrote the book: each character was described by a poem with their nickname before they told the story of how they got the nickname to begin with. I don't know what made this one more disturbing than the others (probably that it was the short story that he based the whole idea of the book on), but St. Gut-free's story was the grossest- it still makes me a little sick at my stomach. You know that feeling in the back of your throat right before you hurl? Yeah, thats what it felt like reading that one. Maybe I just got used to it by the end of the book or something since it was the first one. Either way, very interesting, but def not for the faint of stomach or easily grossed out.

Now I am going to be reading "On the Road" with the bookclub and "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer" like I planned. I bought another book today though called "Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old like a Slut"- a satire about women in the south by a local writer. I had to get it since I've said that phrase many a time while at work in the candy store.

Ah it feels good to be back. Now I am going to go read all of everyone's recent entries. Later!

WAHOooooooooooooooo

2007-01-13T02:48:30Z

I got an apartment today... my first... and it is SUPER nice. My boyfriend and I move in tomorrow! Yessssss

Wanna see it? http://www.runawaybayapthomes.com/j/s/i/iFrame.jsp?p_usid=&p_pgid=9&p_poid=GJLIL1675F&p_fpid=GHPDG1675F

HOW AWESOME IS THAT? KICK ASS!!

Wow

2007-01-08T14:06:28Z

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated in a while, life has been going on all around me. Today was the first day back at school and I was really excited since I was starting my very first painting class today. That, however, did not happen as I became ill on my way to class...all over myself...inside my car. Yeah. That was nice, lemme tell ya! I did't know it was possible to produce soda in vomit, but it is and let me just say that Coca Cola and I are no longer friends. That is all I had this morning and I threw up 12 times in 5 min... NEVER AGAIN PEOPLE! My clothes are ruined, and now my car smells REALLY funny... right after I just cleaned the thing out too! Oh well. I'm sick so I'm gonna go to bed.

She is my essence

2006-12-30T03:43:16Z

How can I live a day without it when it is what brought my mind into existence in the first place? The round ridged edges spiral in and out from a central hole creating the aesthetically pleasing sounds I crave in my sleep. It makes me want to fall in love all over again; to smile, laugh, cry, dance, make love, fuck, (yes there is a difference) live, die, love, hate, embrace, crush, anything and everything comes into my mind. There is one of these for every conceivable emotion known to man. Evoking the heart of even the coldest stone it plays continually within us all. My soul hurts to think of its passing life, my stomach yearns emptily when I have none in my arms. Soon they will be non-existent, taken from me without the slightest of remorse. Opening the harsh linen bound writing in my delicate hands, sensitive to not destroy it any further; the smell of generations passes through the air- musty decay of the lives sits calmly in my hands telling the tales of all those before me, after me, and contemporary in my mindset. Emotion screaming curses and warnings in my ears, pulling the strings with hooks from my back urges me closer to the abstract, further from concrete while simultaneously expressing the truest nature of the world in my surroundings as accurately as anyone has ever known. The louder it becomes the more forceful the effect on my body. I can not help but breathe more deeply, my teeth clench and my eyes close in pain, tears stream down my face like rivers for I can no longer take the bombardment of raw emotion. The background is most important to me, the fore being greatly egotistical in its desire to be known and memorized. Thousands of these cover the sensors in my head, slowly becoming part of me, of my brain. It calms, agitates, heightens all of my senses in every way. The taste in my mouth is rusty, yet sweet like an over aged plum- its sensual juices pour freely in my mouth and over my body- washing me in resonances felt only by the lucky few. Dissonant thunder applauds in the end bringing my elation to a close while my body lies shaking on the floor. My heart pounds, I can feel it all the way through my toes. Please don’t let this end, and thus I start it over again. I can no longer see myself or the world in the typical manner. This one, largely insignificant object, has changed my entire being and everything around me! I perceive everything around me in a new light- the tears in my eyes show clearly the reflections of an altered universe. Everything is new, yet as old as the first emotion- babies in the womb are capable of understanding its importance in life, yet the most educated adults spurn its greatness for something ugly and uncaring. I need this to get by.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2006-12-25T22:17:19Z

Ok so for everyone who wants to know what I got, here is a list:

$100 cash (yessss)from mom
A card from Katie
A card from Sylvia
An MP3/Radio/voice recorder thing that is waaaaay cooler than an iPod from my boyfriend
A "Picture a Day" Ancient Eyptian calendar from dad
A HUGE book all about Egypt... I can barely lift it! from mom
Old 1920's Egyptian body powder that smells heavenly from Shannon
An ancient Greek vase replica with Egyptian art on it from Shannon
Perfume from my boyfriend's grandparents
A flying monkey doll from dad
$50 at Victoria's Secret from my boss at work
Necklace and Earings from Haley
Movies:
Red Violin http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120802/ from mom and dad
George Blanchine's version of the Nutcracker performed by the New York City Ballet http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107719/ from mom and dad
Party Monster http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0320244/ from myself

Headphones for my MP3 player since I didn't like the ones it came with from myself
Body Lotion, Spray, and scrub (Aqua Dreams) from ULTA from me http://www.ulta.com/control/product?FT23=2057709&product_id=VP00022&add_product_id=NULL&add_category_id=&variant_id=2057709&add_amount=&quantity=1

Books: (All from myself)
Wicked by Gregory MaGuire http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780060987107&itm=9
Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781400032822&itm=3
Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ean=9780393319293&pwb=1&z=y
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Suskind http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780375725845&itm=1
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780316666343&itm=1

Aaaaaand I think that is everything... I am sooo happy with everything I got this year. Trust me, I've never gotten that much stuff in my life! I realize that there are those with so much less than me and so I am thankful for everything everyone got me. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

cdlittlelotte @ 2006-12-21T11:55:00

2006-12-21T17:08:48Z

Hey all. Welcome to my crazy journal entry.. I am a little light headed right now so if I go off I am sorry....
NEW HARRY POTTER TITLE IS OUT!!!! (does this mean I was right in saying it will be released on 07/07/07???? I hope so)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

My favorite Christmas songs (they are all bluesy)
Santa Baby- Eartha Kit or Madonna

Step into Christmas- Elton John

White Christmas- The Drifters

Merry Christmas Baby- Ray Charles

Little Saint Nick- Beach Boys

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)- Anyone, I LOVE THIS SONG! Original from "A Phil Spector Christmas" is best though

Christmas in New Orleans- Louis Armstrong

Run Run Rudolph- Chuck Berry

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree- Brenda Lee

All I Want for Christmas is You- Mariah Carey

Santa Can You Hear Me?- Brittney Spears (He's all I want in a big red boooooooow)

Is That You Santy Claus?- Louis Armstrong (Sounds like Oogie Boogie aka Ken Page)

Hawaiian Christmas Song- Not sure who sings it... Bing Crosby maybe?

I need to write some music damn it!

2006-12-16T02:23:04Z

"Yearnings of A Grown up Lotte"

A muse amongst the angels,
You are as old as time itself
And as timeless as the ideas you helped conceptualize.
Bestowing your grace and gift on the few,
You are single handedly responsible for the geniuses of craft.
Harmonizing melodically through the ages with
Somber notes of heavenly tunes,
You brighten the mediocrity of many a life
Through the mirages of your protégés.

You are no minor key in the overall compositions of the world,
But rather a major conductor
Leading his composite opus
Through life’s overly choreographed musical.
Your sharp witted intelligence leaves all those who do not appreciate you
With nothing more than flat tempered tongues
Begging to be brought into your brilliance.
Though they may not realize the effect your codas have,
Many, such as myself, follow your pieces with such devotion
That one may call us a cult of sound.
You are an overture to all of my senses,
Filling my lungs with the air I have to breathe
In order to survive in this unoriginal karaoke bar.

Have you come to me in my sleep?
Are the symphonies I hear in my head from your incredible wisdom and teachings?
Perhaps I am too languid for your choice,
Practice does not make practice you know,
It only makes permanent.
Angel, my soul was weak, forgive me.
Enter at last master.
Oh, Angel of Music, guide and guardian,
Grant to me your glory.
Angel of Music, hide no longer,
Come to me strange angel.

I am my own enemy

2006-12-15T04:35:32Z

I wrote this when I was trying to accept the fact that Jacob hated me (which he doesn't anymore) for what his friends were saying I said:

I hate my hands. My whole life I've been made fun of because of them. My whole life I've been excluded from arts, music, sports, and anything else that has to involve one's hands because mine are so small. Now they have helped me ruin my own life.

Because I have no friends to speak of or to, the only way I can get my thoughts and feelings out is to use my hands on this beautiful wireless black keyboard while talking to a blank empty white computer screen. Now I have one more thing to remember whenever I look at my hands: I've lost the love of my life, all because of my stupid hands. The words I wrote were typed in anger and sadness; those words were supposed to help me deal with my pain, when in all reality they just made it so much worse. Now I really am alone; now there is truly no one who understands and loves me. All because of these stupid, deformed hands. I tried to hold everything up for so long that in a moment of weakness my whole world came crashing down. I wish I could just cut them off- I've never seen anyone actually make fun of a person with hooks for hands. They will forever be the largest scar I have to remind me of the pain I have been through in my life. I hate my hands and the words and ideas that flow from them with such contemptible passion that I can't bare to look at them ever again.

****I'm not upset about this anymore****

ME quizes

2006-12-14T23:48:03Z


	Rachel made billions from creating a pill that makes people be happy constantly.
	... afterward, Rachel ate some macaroni and cheese.
	'How will you be remembered in history books?' at QuizGalaxy.com

WHICH DISNEY PRINCESS ARE YOU?
According to the answers you have just chosen you are most like the Disney Princess Cinderella.

Although gentle and soft spoken, Cinderella has a keen intelligent sense of humor which she wisely keeps hidden from her cruel Stepmother and jealous stepsisters. Finding delight in her tiny animal friends, able to sing as she works, Cinderella has true dignity something her Stepsisters could learn a thing or two about. Despite moments of heartbreak and disappointment, Cinderella holds onto her hopes until goodness and beauty are rewarded and dreams that she has dreamed do come true.

<td align="center">You have a sexual hidden talent

You have a sexual hidden talent. You might not look it but you are a dynamo in bed. Most of your lovers think that it is from years of practice, but really, you were just born with it.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

(HAHAHAHAHAHA)- One choice was "your hidden talent is writing" and I got sex! HAHAHAHAHA

<td align="center" style="font- Ok that is enough for now!

cdlittlelotte @ 2006-12-13T17:51:00

2006-12-13T22:51:31Z

I was having a wonderful day until I talked to guess who. As much as I hated myspace before, I hate it even more now. People who think they know me can read one or two things I say and make the most generalized assumptions about me... I WAS IN A FUCKING BAD MOOD OKAY? I AM SORRY THAT I SAID SOMETHING THAT PISSED YOU OFF! DEAL WITH IT!

Apparently, I can not be who I want to be or say what I want to say when I am depressed anymore because people are going to read it and judge me and my feelings. At least my friends try to understand how you feel when you bitch about me, yours jump on my ass and try to kill me for anything I say about you!

FINALS ARE OVER AND I PASSED!!!!!!

2006-12-13T20:37:51Z

Theme song of today is....
All night long by Will Hoge:

Rachel's got a new dress she wears too tight
Her daddy said no but her momma said it looks alright
Let 'em fuss and fight

She don't care what they say's right or wrong
She's gonna stay out all night long
All night long

She don't care about books or school
No she just wants to rock and roll baby she's no fool
You're so cool

Well I know the way you feel now baby can't you see
Well I know the way you want your little tangled web to weave

Black lipstick she got a fake I.D.
You know the one that says Ms. Jones is turning 23
Oh baby take a look and see

She don't care what they say's right or wrong
She's gonna stay out all night long
All night long

I am soooo glad finals and this semester are over! I went out, got me a big bottle of sprite and some Raspberry vodka... I'm gonna have a good night even if it kills me. I will not stay in bed and mope anymore damn it!

To Lacey and Sylvia: I looked into UNLV, they don't have graduate Art History... are there any other schools there? I'm totally serious here. If I'm going to be away from home for school, I might as well go somewhere completely new!

You act like you are a slave to my emotions when you know damn well that you are the master in this role play of a relationship.

update: I'm not dead

2006-12-08T18:47:04Z

Hey, I haven't posted in a while... sorry. I started my new/ old job again at the candy store. I missed that place more than I thought I did. Julie (the owner) FINALLY put in video cameras so I don't have to put up with shits stealing all the time. Then again, the cameras are hidden around the store so I will still have to deal with it, but now I won't be so pissed because now we have proof. YESssss.

I am ashamed of two things:
1) I said I would never get a myspace page and I did the other day for the writing club, it is under the name "littlelotterae"... we are making a page like the book club has so I'll keep ya posted on that.
2) I am now addicted to the non-clothing items sold in Urban Outfitters. I swore I would never go in there and become a sheep again but Aubrey made me and I love everything! Someone shoot me. They have this silver locket necklace that opens up to be a watch, its only $28 for anyone who loves me enough to buy it. I have no money.

I am sick... YET again. Maybe Jacob is right, I am dying. I'm not dead yet though so you have to deal with my shit until I'm gone.

cdlittlelotte @ 2006-11-29T16:10:00

2006-11-29T21:10:27Z

I took this quiz and thought it was funny.

cdlittlelotte @ 2006-11-28T19:11:00

2006-11-29T00:11:40Z

So, as of right now I have written about 40 pages of my book. I'm going to have to stop for a while though because I have a 4 page paper due Thursday, and a 5 page paper due Monday. Then, I have finals on the 12th and 13th of December.

Speaking of school, I have to cut my losses and move on with a clearer head. Those of you who know me, know what I am talking about.

I know it wasn't much, but that was my little mini-update for today.

Hello all!

2006-11-27T02:53:02Z

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say that I am not too pleased about going back to school tomorrow, but since I am no longer sick... knock on wood... I am going to go.

I have sucessfully written the first chapter of my book. Yay! I am currently calling it "Polyamory"- You can read it if you are a member of the club in the short stories section since I didn't know where else to put it. Here are two interviews I faked with two of the main characters...

#1
Character: Evelyn Price
When were you born? Well as a character I was born in November of 2006, but in my story I was born in 2209. Hell, you should know all of this; you are the one that created me.

What was your earliest childhood memory? Pft, I don’t know, um probably my parents telling me that I was going to have a baby brother when I was about 7. I wanted to know where he came from, but they wouldn’t tell me anything other than “you’ll find out when you get married.” I was mad because I wanted to know then but no matter how much I whined about it, they wouldn’t budge.

What is your idea of a dream vacation? Hmm, sailing in a yacht in clear blue Caribbean waters, probably somewhere near Costa Rica. The sands there are so white and pure, like nothing in the world has ever tainted them- it’s absolutely beautiful.

What do you look for in a guy? Well I can’t really look for one can I considering how the government has a stick up its ass and is going to choose my husband for me. You know what? I’m glad you asked this question. I am so fucking sick of the way things are in the world right now. Who the hell do they think they are to tell me who I have to marry and have sex with?

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you at all, maybe we should go to the next question.

No, I’m sure you’ve got plenty of great questions you’re just waitin to ask, but I’m not done yet. If you think about it, I mean really think about it, all these guys in charge are doing is picking a guy that they are going to legally let rape me. What the fuck? How am I not supposed to be pissed about this when I can’t have sex with someone I even like or I’ll be killed? I have to suffer through that type of trauma instead? How the hell is that going to help the world? It isn’t! All it is going to do is make more women mad and one day they’re not going to put up with it anymore.

Well my next question has already been somewhat answered… What is one thing that annoys you greatly? Well aside from the fact that I am a grown woman who is not in control of her body, the one thing that annoys me would have to be people who think they are better than everyone else for no real reason. One of my best friends is like that actually

Well then why are you still friends with her? I don’t know, I just am okay? Gosh, next question

I’m very sorry. If you could have a job right now, what would it be? Wow, what an odd question, um, not sure. I’d probably run an underground pirate radio station or work for some sort of change in the government, am I going to be killed for saying that?

No, I don’t think so; as long as you aren’t threatening anyone you should be fine.

Alright good.

I think is going to have to be our last question since your friends Rosaline and Danielle are supposed to be doing interviews with me later.

Do you like the band Panic! at the Disco? Panic at the what? What the hell are you on? You do realize that with all of our other civil liberties, drug use has been illegal for years right? What the hell is a Disco anyway, isn't that something naked ancient Greek guys used to throw around in those games?

No, that is a discus. A disco was a type of dance club from the 1970's.

Well why the hell would you ask me a question about a band that paniced in one? That is just fucking stupid!

Well actually I felt obligated to ask seeing as how this is the Panic! at the Disco Creative Writing Club website.

You're back in 2006 correct?

Yes, that's right.

So why on earth do you think I've heard of some band that was over about 200 years ago? Do you listen to 200 year old music? I didn't think so! What a fucking idiot!

#2
Rosaline Greenway:

Hello Rosaline, it is very nice to meet you. I just interviewed your friend Evelyn. Oh goodness, I’m sorry. I know she can be a little boisterous sometimes, but honestly she does mean well. You know what they used to say, her heart is in the right place… Oh excuse me; yes it is very nice to meet you too. Thank you for taking the time to interview me today, I know you must be incredibly busy. Oh, and please feel free to call me Rose.

Ok. Trust me; it is no trouble at all. I find you to be a very interesting character and I’ve wanted to interview you for a while now. Really? Wow, I’m truly honored by that! I- I mean wow, heh.

Okay well I guess lets start the questions. First off, when were you born? I know as a character you and Evelyn, and I’m assuming Danielle as well, were created in November 2006, but when were you physically born in your time? Well we were all created by Rachel Browning as you know who I am very thankful for. She is a very inspiring writer. Ac-Actually, she was the reason I decided to write, myself. Hm, but to answer the question, I was born in 2209 like Danielle and Evelyn. We are all 20 years old.

I didn’t know you were a writer; what kind of things do you like to write? Well I try to be honest with myself and just write what I feel regardless of what anyone else will think of it. I usually don’t share my thoughts with people because I don’t really like negative criticism very much. I-I feel that if people are speaking against my writings that they are actually speaking against me personally. I know it sounds crazy but, I try to guard myself from that you know?

I understand completely. What is your best childhood memory? Um, I would say probably painting with my grandparents out on the lawn of the garden at the old family house. I know that it was the house of opinionated revolutionaries that were murdered for their beliefs, but as I kid I really didn’t know it, and I didn’t care what happened there. All I knew was that I was enjoying my time with my grandpa at a beautiful house.

Speaking of opinions, I know you are probably as opinionated as your friend about this, but I’ve been told that I have to ask it, so here goes. What do you look for in a guy? Hahaha, no, I am not as opinionated as Evelyn, then again who could be? Heh I do agree with her that the government should have no say in our relationships, but at the same time I also understand where they are coming from. Sorry, I-heh-I keep going off on tangents, you really must hate me. Uh, as far as guys go, if I were allowed to fall in love on my own I would try to find someone who was loving and compassionate towards everyone, not just me. I would want someone with a kind and gentle soul who I could just sit down and be myself with. Looks aren’t really important to me, but I think shorter guys with dark crazy hair and a little muscle are attractive. There is something about guys with facial hair and glasses that I like too. I know we have laser surgery now, but I find glasses to be very old timey and I would like to see myself in a previous time so… yeah. Is that stupid? Heh.

No, not at all. Well, um, if you could live in any other time period which would it be? Oh wow, um, there are so many! Ancient Greece or Rome to see the developments of the world we know today or 19th century Paris. Oh Paris would be beautiful to see! I would love going to operas and ballets at L’Opera de Garnier and the art galleries and just going to the park and watching artists paint. Ah, I would love it. That time period was so creative and beautiful! The world was being changed with the industrial revolution but the people still had the opportunities to be individuals and do what they wanted to do without a greater fear of persecution.

You sound very much like a romantic at heart. Yeah, I really am. Yeah, Haha

Well what kinds of music do you listen to? I try not to listen to modern music too much because it is so technical and censured, so I really like listening to older, um late 20th, early 21st century music.

So you’ve heard of Panic! at the Disco? Yeah! I love them actually! I guess it kind of goes back to the ideals of the late 19th century Paris that I was talking about but their music was great! I- um I really liked Ross’ lyrics and the way he wrote things. I-I will be honest; I thought that their second album was better than the first just because there was a story to it. I like albums that tell a story. Their first started to at the end, but they never finished the story in my opinion.

Okay well we don’t have anymore time today since Danielle is standing in the corner growing ever more impatient. Yeah she likes to have people talk about her. Haha I had a nice time talking with you. Thank you so much for interviewing me for your writing club. I really am honored!

New Book in the works

2006-11-25T12:19:07Z

Goooooood morning all! I couldn't really sleep so I got up and started writing again. I have decided to turn one of my weirdest dreams ever into a book! I started it a few days ago, and last night I think I finally pinned down the plot in its entirety. I have changed large portions of the main story and I don't think there will be any mystical animals in it anymore (some of you know what I am talking about), and one of the main characters is now going to die for being in love. How tragic is that? There are still some kinks, but I should be able to work those out in no time as long as my story stays mainly on track. I'm really excited about this! Just to give you all (who haven't already read the entire dream synopsis on the club site) an idea as to what my dream was like here are the MORALS FROM THE DREAM:
1. Men will cheat if they are not given any sexual freedom or adventure in their relationships- I don't actually believe this btw!
2. If we have too much sexual freedom the world will only pass along sexual diseases and crumble- I was thinking this would be kind of like the way men see AIDS in Africa today. The men in the story are told about the triggers so they think that by having sex with a lot of women they can get rid of it when in all honesty they are only making it worse. The women have sex with more men and so on and so on…
3. Women should be in control of their own sexualities and bodies, no one else should be able to tell them who to sleep with and whose babies to have
4. Sex is animalistic in its barest nature and everyone will have sex with as many people as possible until they find an actual emotional connection with one person
5. If we only teach abstinence in schools, children will then rebel against it and have sex anyway, but if they aren’t protective of themselves and aren’t educated to what is out there, nothing good can come of it.

When I told Jacob about it, he said that our dreams are only that deep if we look into them too much, but I think I have to disagree. I know that sometimes a snake is just a snake and not a phalic representation, but sometimes I do belive that our dreams can tell us things about ourselves that maybe we didn't know we thought about.

PS. There was very little sex in my dream. I did not have a porno dream, despite what some may say about it. Sex was merely seen in quick flashes rather than being the main plot of the dream- it was only the catylist for the events which unfolded. My dream was about a person trying to stop the deaths of many innocent human beings and failing miserably to do so.

There are needy people out there right now!

2006-11-24T18:24:03Z

Okay so today I am totally feeling the love in the world and I maxed out my card by buying books for the donation at BN this morning.... I can't tell you how amazing I feel right now knowing that I am helping make some kids' days better. Please, even if we don't do this as a club, I encourage everyone to try to donate personally... every little bit helps, even if you can only buy one book.

On another charitable note, my mom has always told me something about charities and donating at Christmas time that I think everyone should keep in mind: Everyone always feels bad for the babies and the little kids and so they spend all of their money on them, but then the older kids are left out once again. If you are going to donate, please make sure this doesn't happen and make a well rounded donation if you can. Thank you!

cdlittlelotte @ 2006-11-23T22:13:00

2006-11-24T03:13:18Z

Okay, so surprisingly, my Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. First off, Jacob's grandmother made turkey.... NOT HAM THANK GOD! It was really yummy too, and I was happy about that. While I was over there, everyone was concerned with going through the paper ads to find deals for Black Friday and Jacob played on his DS lite next to me. I congratulated his cousin and her fiance, but no one made a big deal like they would if it were my family. I went into their computer room and looked at the bookshelves and saw a book "Lovely Bones" that I've been wanting to read for a while now, so I just sat down and read while everyone was talking about shopping.
Jacob and I left around 3 and went to my house where he was not a complete lazy bum. He actually talked to my parents, and ate even more, just to make my mom happy (which was good because considering the last week, she is far from happy with him- she's even used the phrase "Do you want me to have your father take care of him?" like she was a mobsters wife or something). Nala didn't bug him to death like always which was great so maybe now he'll like her again. I know she isn't Sassy, but she is still my baby dog and I love her to death and when Jacob told me he didn't, it actually hurt my feelings.
Then we went to his house and slept for a few hours. My day was actually okay!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

2006-11-23T15:40:12Z

A Grown Up Nursery Rhyme

My heart has been thrown from the top of the king’s highest tower
Only to plummet to the earth and shatter into a million pieces
Littering the ground below with little red candy morsels.
Everyone walking by just ignores my pleas of despair
As their heels crash onto the crumbs breaking them down
Even further than the man who broke it in the first place.
I guard the remaining pieces I can find and slowly
Begin to glue them together,
But in my soul I know that
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Will never be able to put my heart back together again.

I am just a waste of the square foot of space
I take up in an already overly crowed world.

Today is Thanksgiving… this is what I am thankful for:
1. I am not as unfortunate as some in the world which is why I want to try to make it better for them as much as I can
2. I am glad to have the little bit of love I can get from other people even though I give them much more love than I will ever receive in return
3. That I am able to breathe
4. That I am so depressed that my writing just keeps getting better

I have to go to Jacob's grandparents' house for lunch today. She makes ham knowing how much I hate it, yet out of politeness I eat it every holiday with a smile on my face and a gag in my throat. Jacob's cousins are also going to be there- one of whom is now engaged and so I get to sit in a house all day long watching a couple be as happy as I was three days ago while I am slowly slipping into emotional oblivion right next to Jacob.

I think I may go see a movie today or watch one of the ones I rented yesterday... I need to be cheered up somehow.

Sexy guys in old style clothing = YAY! (For example, see Joseph Fiennes)

Damn I need a sunny day

2006-11-22T23:04:18Z

I am a beautiful stone angel sitting in a bird bath
Slowly deteriorating in the pool of filth that surronds me.
My momentary happiness has passed;
I am drained of life.
There is no more love,
only indescribable sorrow.
Bit by bit I am being eaten alive
Until the world has swallowed me
And there will be nothing left
But a ghost of what I used to mean to you.

"A soul? Is that what you call it that empty pit, that wound where my heart should be? You dug this hole in me bit by bit, nothing is left of me"

I starve yet I have no appetite for food;
My stomach yearns but I will not please its calls.
My life would be so much better if it were over-
Maybe then you'd love me again.
Wait, I know better than that....
You wouldn't feel a thing.

I am but a dog lying at your feet
Whimpering and growling in my nightmares
While no one bothers to comfort me.
I don't need anyone else to be strong for me,
I don't want sterness because you are a man.
I just need someone to hold me while I cry and tell me everything is fine.
Please God, someone tell me everything is fine!

Lately I've been down on the floor

2006-11-22T08:13:25Z

I am depressed but I'm loving the weather here right now: snow, rain, slush, cold as the icy pits of hell circle nine! Everything is so gray and gloomy but then I walk outside with my bright yellow smiley face umbrella and I can't help but be a little happy. The greens are greener, the reds and oranges are crisper, the purples of the flowers are much more saturated... my family thinks I'm crazy for liking this. These are the days hot chocolate was made for- sitting in the sun room under a cozy blanket with a good book and my puppy with her toy at my feet.

Women who are well behaved rarely go down in history.

I love the lovely lady living on the lordly lane of Lullaby lake who listens longingly to laconic lessons learned througout her long languid life below the lashing lace of lying leaves listlessly lagging and loitering in the luxurious yet lonely location. - HAHAHAHA I can't belive I thought of that as I was falling asleep today! My brain is messed up.

MOVIE TALK and randomness

2006-11-21T05:01:38Z

Old world blindness is taking over everyone once again
they fight against the oppression and violence
only making a cause for more terror
that they themselves so firmly stand against.

MOVIE TALK!!!! I saw "Happy Feet" last night with Jacob, Jackie, and Johnathan... I was the only R, I felt so special! What an adorable movie. I know it was supposed to be for kids, but I really wanted to see the new Harry Potter trailer (the scenes looked good, but the trailer left me overall unimpressed; I was not about to explode for them making me wait until July to see it). I am so glad I saw it because I love Penguins and it made me feel like a little kid again even though the bulk of the movie was about sex. And the small mentions of penguin religion was great! The best part of this movie though had to be the way they seamlessly integrated live human faces and computer animation together. If you can remember the humans in "Finding Nemo" you will remember that they looked like cartoon balloons that didn't quite fit with the realism of everything else around, but in this movie they actually used real people and it worked perfectly. The scenes in the zoo were absolutel gorgeous! The second best thing about this movie was Hugh Jackman as an Elvis impersonating penguin... priceless!

Poem and Movie Talk!

2006-11-19T00:02:57Z

Progression of Addiction

You are my zoloft,
The happy pill I would gladly take
For hours at a time every morning
For the rest of my life.
The chemical reactant in my brain
Causing sparks in my mental receptors.
Even when I know everything is lost,
Everything is okay,
You make me believe-
Even if you are wrong.

You are my vicodin,
The medicine traveling through
My entire being as my senses
Become dull in your presence.
My tongue numbs, and
My muscles relax
Bringing me to a catatonic state of happiness.

You are my cocaine
The rock upon which I stand
The one thing I have to have
Everyday to get through my life.
I need the high you give me;
Without it my life is miserable.
You make me forget all of my problems
With one quick sniff of your presence.
The second the drug coerces through my blood stream
My mind becomes elated,
Forgetting everything that has ever gone wrong.

You are my strongest addiction.
My gateway was your smile.

MOVIE TALK!!! I saw Stranger Than Fiction the other day, but I just haven't updated so here goes. I liked it a whole lot! It wasn't funny "ha ha" but more like a Film Noir funny. Will F is really an amazing dramatic actor. Who knew? Emma Thompson was incredible as the crazy writer with writer's block, but she wasn't too hoakey as some actors tend to be in those roles. Dustin Hoffman also was very good in his role as a literary professor who Will's character goes to for help on his "Ending." I can't say anything else, but this movie was great! I recomend it for everyone. 4/5

Not so great day

2006-11-16T21:56:29Z

Two Twig Trees in Shilouette

He shyly takes her hand and they begin to sway together
With each beat of the music they get closer and closer
Finally entwined completely in each others arms
They waltz the night away
One two three
One two three
One two three
One two three and then
They stop.

His hair has all fallen out through time
But hers is as lush and beautiful as ever.
Birds flutter quickly by to make it before night
To start their nest and build a home
Through some slight heartbreak she pulls away from him
And he feels he has lost her forever.
Angrily she points her bony fingers in his face
And turns away to leave-
He gently grabs her arm and
Pulling her back again, begs forgiveness.
Accepting she then gives him a tender loving kiss.
Again the love fire burns
Again they dance the waltz of the flowers-
Together forever, hand in hand
Time will pass through them but
They will be rooted in their spot
Next to one another until they day they die.

I was late to class this morning because of the weather... the same class I had a presentation in. I ran to the library as fast as I could in the rain to get the books with the pictures I needed and ended up getting the wrong ones. When I went to check them out, I owed the library $8 that I barely had to pay for a book that was late no more than a week at most. WTF?

I didn't get the job at the museum. They wanted someone else. oh well.